God Knew My Heart, Better Than I Did.
A Dive Collective member spotlight with Sally Anne Groomes
“Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
When I was twenty-four years old and knee-deep in my doctoral degree in nineteenth-century literature, I thought that the desire of my heart was accomplishing my Ten Year Plan. Academics had been my comfort zone and, up until that point, I had successfully hit all the professional wickets with scholarships and fellowships paving the way. However, in the middle of completing my doctoral coursework, I felt utterly unmoored, unsatisfied and disillusioned by the cut-throat academic environment and struggling with the darkest depression of my life. I kept wondering why God wasn’t strengthening me to withstand this environment. I was supposed to be the light-bearer in this relatively godless world of academia—why was I failing? I knew God was leading me as I slowly extricated myself out of the trappings of my own Ten Year Plan, but so much of me felt disappointed for failing to “measure-up” to both my own and society’s expectations. This erroneous yet very real feeling of unworthiness was a wound that I now, from the lovely vantage point of hindsight, see needed to be dashed apart. I wish I could whisper to my twenty-four year-old self, “You are enough in that you are a beloved child of God and your purpose on this earth is to discover HIS good and perfect will for your life, not the lies that society is going to tie like a noose around your neck.” During this time in my life, God mercifully brought my attention to the ultimate emptiness and dissatisfaction that would have awaited me had I continued to pursue MY will, instead of THY will.
Even amidst my disappointment, God remained faithful. This was not a “comfortable” time in my life as I found unsatisfying yet adequate college teaching jobs that kept me in the field but gave me space to listen to His voice. In short-circuiting my desire to fulfill my Ten Year Plan, God prepared my heart for embarking on an even greater journey that awaited me on the other side—motherhood. The difficulties of juggling career and family had been one of the biggest concerns with remaining on my professional trajectory, as I prefer to pour myself into one role and not jump between dueling priorities. Knowing this about myself after enduring the pressures of academia allowed me to more fully appreciate the sweetness and privilege of being able to exclusively focus on raising my babies.
God knew my heart, better than I did.
He knit my desires and knew that being a tenured professor would have prevented me from being present at the smallest moments in my children’s lives—those ordinary times that I covet. I fully believe that this is not, nor should be, the case for every mama. (Working mothers out there—you are superheroes with Olympic-level skills at balancing the world.) While I sometimes still wonder what will or could be on the professional horizon, I now know that God is steering the ship and I need to simply follow Him, not society’s prescriptive path to worldly success or pleasing those around me.
My hope is to glorify God in whatever I do, which is still a work in progress—one that I hope always continues to be. I would like to leave you with a verse that has taken the place of my previous Ten Year Plan.
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing, and perfect will.” Romans 12:12
Sally Groomes
Jacksonville, Florida
Sally Anne is a former literature professor who still cannot be caught without a book close at hand. Currently, she is raising her two kids, running many miles, and adventuring around the world one duty station at a time with her husband (a Navy doctor). She loves Jesus with all her heart and is learning daily how to count it all JOY.
Find Sally Anne on Instagram at @sagroomes21
To hear more about Sally Anne’s story and God’s merciful hand, be sure to listen to her interview on our Podcast!
A dream we have here at Dive Collective is to see our members come to know (if they don’t already) who God has created them to be, and to know and use those gifts He’s created in them for the Kingdom. And it’s happening! We are so excited to announce our first member-led group within the Collective: Sally Anne’s Book Club! Sally Anne, a former literature and writing professor, has carefully curated a collection of books involving three of the most universal yet thought-provoking themes—marriage, death, and faith. The books will come from a variety of genres, with the goal of generating thought-provoking discussion that will lead us to a deeper knowledge of ourselves and our Creator.
Sally Anne’s Book Club is available to our members and hosted in our Dive Collective members group on Facebook.
For more information on Dive Collective, visit our website or click here to join now!
Coming off more than a year in pandemic mode I feel like we are all deserving of a fantastic tropical vacation. However, regardless of your summer plans, hopefully you will find time to dive into a good book, whether it be next to a beach, a pool or a toddler sprinkler! With that in mind, I have compiled a list of a few of my favorite fiction and nonfiction picks to help you mentally recharge, restore, and relax.